Astrology Oh Wait.. Astronomy Class


It was 1997, I think and I needed one more science class to get into my chosen 4 year University program.  I was working and so I had no time to attend a daytime class.  I ended up choosing an online Astronomy class that would meet once a week to discuss the online portion of the class.  It was actually very interesting.

One day the professor starts asking us to raise our hand if we were Gemini, hands went up; raise our hand if we were Pisces, Taurus and so on.  Directly after getting us to firmly commit to our astrological sign he informs us that we really probably are not what we thought we were.  Apparently, astrological signs were made up many, many moons ago.. long, long ago in a far away place or time..

He then went into a very long story about how we could be a sign before or after our actual sign.. and on and on and on and actually I sort of lost interest in the topic because I started imagining my entire life over based on any of the other signs out there.. I’m a ram and sometimes we get a bad rap and a lot of 2 star days to top it off.  Doesn’t seem right.  Not fair at all.  I could be a lion or a fish.. ohhh a scorpio even.  How different might my life have been.

This knowledge did in fact change my life.  Every time I would read the paper and get to the Horoscope page I would of course read my horoscope.  However, I would also read at least the sign in front of and behind my sign.  I would then try to figure out which sign was having a better day or seemed to fit my lifestyle more than my own sign.

Finally I gave up.  No I did not stop reading horoscopes.. I just gave up trying to fit into any one sign.  I now pretty much just pick a five star day and go for it. Seriously, I often do not understand exactly what the horoscope is trying to tell me anyways.   Why not choose a 5 star day every day. Yeah.  Life is good.

As an example of what I am talking about I am submitting my last couple horoscopes.  Really, Does anyone know what they mean? First one I kind of love but the 2nd one don’t get at all. Possibly it’s time to move on to a new sign.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The astrological omens suggest that you now have a lot in common with the legendary Most Interesting Man in the World — adventurous, unpredictable, interesting, lucky, one-of-a-kind. To create your horoscope, I have therefore borrowed a few selected details from his ad campaign’s descriptions of him. Here we go: In the coming weeks, you will be the life of parties you don’t even attend. Astronauts  will be able to see your charisma from outer space. Up to one-third of your body weight will be gravitas. Your cell phone will always have good reception, even in a subway 100 feet underground. Panhandlers will give you money. You could challenge your reflection to a staring contest — and win. You’ll be able to keep one eye on the past while looking into the future. When you sneeze, God will say “God bless you.”

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Apollo astronaut Russell Schweickart had a vision of loveliness while flying through outer space in his lunar module. “One of the most beautiful sights is a urine dump at sunset,” he testified. He said it resembles a “spray of sparklers,” as ten million little ice crystals shoot out into the void at high velocity. As you feed your quest for a lusty life, Aries, I urge you to be as quirky and resourceful as Schweickart. Come up with your own definitions about what’s gorgeous and revelatory. Take epiphanies any way you can get them.

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4 thoughts on “Astrology Oh Wait.. Astronomy Class

  1. Absolutely brilliant post. I love it – and laughed out loud. Some horoscope writers are better than others (the ones who give me what I want to hear :O) and frequently I have cut out the ones that resonate with where I am in life. But I really like the idea of reading all of them and picking the best. How can we go wrong with that? Thanks for a great start of my day.
    The two horoscopes you copied are priceless.

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