In continuation of my 31 days of randomness – Day 20 – How much is too much?
I’m a natural fixer of things. When I see a problem, or what I perceive to be a problem, it is my natural inclination to want to fix it and make it better. I’m a great person for seeing whole picture. I’m hardly ever worried about the steps from beginning to end.. I’m more focused on the end result and doing what you have to do to get to that end. My concern is that I over-help. I over-involve myself in situations that I should probably have no business being involved in. For the most part I can emotionally distance myself so I don’t crash down into the situation.. however, I am often disappointed when a situation is not resolved in a satisfactory manner no matter how much effort “I” put into it.
I sometimes have difficulty distinguishing how much is too much. If I do everything and the person becomes dependent on me for being the motivating factor of accomplishing anything am I really still helping them? Do I need to be doing as much as I am doing? Should I be stepping back and not doing so much?
I need to analyze who owns the problem? I don’t want to give up on the people I love but want to hand back the situation to the owner or they will never learn to accept responsiblity for their actions. I suppose I am a little afraid that if I don’t stay involved (or over-involved) failure will be imminent.
My other issue is always feeling personally responsible for everyone’s accident’s, failings, sadness, anger or frustration. I often feel that there is something I could have done or should have done to make everything all right. No matter how insignificant the situation, I feel that I was at least in part responsible for things that went wrong or when things are beyond exceptional.
I missed an event last night. I was in no way required to go to this event and had had a day that did not energize me into going. I was burdened with guilt. I had every excuse in the book prepared as to why I didn’t go. A couple people did ask why I didn’t go (which made me feel even “badder” about not going) but the truth is I just haven’t wanted to do much socializing lately. I need to remind myself that is MY feelings and should no way be a negative reflection of who I am. My guess is no one even really notices the things I am holding myself responsible for in the end. Part of me feels somewhat like a bully for trying to take charge of everyone’s emotional stability.
My inspiration today is to step back and try to distinguish what role I am playing in several different situations. I will try to figure out what it is I am trying to accomplish by over-involving myself in certain situations. I will continue to give the help that is asked and try to let go of the rest. I will try to stop caring “TOO” much.