About rfljenksy

Just a little girl in a big world. I've been saying this about myself since I joined the Navy back in 1984. Someone once asked me if I stole this quote from Marilyn Monroe. I was naive enough at the time to think that I could have come up with anything that original and said "No, I made it up." “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.” ― Marilyn Monroe I am once again in the middle of starting a new career path. I am loving life and just want to share a few of my travel adventures with some of the people I love the most.

Schwellenangst


Schwellenangst (noun) Origin: German | Fear of crossing a threshold to embark on something new.

ETYMOLOGY: From the German words Schwelle (threshold) + Angst (anxiety).

My dad passed in October and when I saw this word, it brought me back to his passing.  It still causes angst in my heart along with the realization that I have embarked on a new journey.  A journey that will no longer include my father or my mother.

In the U.S. death is viewed with angst, with fear, with trepidation, with not many positive words.  All of these words are true, but more for the living than for the dying.  Even the word passed is a euphemism that makes you think that the threshold is just something you walk through which makes the actual event that much more traumatic (for the living).  Watching someone die is traumatic. Devastating.

The word also brought me back to my time in Nepal.  In Nepal bodies are generally cremated.  They are carried through the street (also generally) and brought to the sacred area where folks sit on one side of a river and 5-9 bodies would be laid to rest on the other side of the river and publicly and openly cremated.  Families would gather on the other side of the river and watch the events.  There would often be food and drink shared and people would come and go from the cremation area.  Anyone could stand and watch or pass through this area.  At first it was super odd to watch but also fascinating.   Kids were playing nearby, monkeys begging for snacks, old people staring into the distance.  Who knows what they were contemplating.  There was sadness of course, but it was an expected event.  Everyone lives and everyone dies.

I actually found it reassuring.  Crossing the threshold is inevitable.  The end is not necessarily the most important part of the journey.  In Nepal, it was a reminder that we are all eventually smoke and ash.  The trick for me is not to be smoke and ash during the years I am passing through right now.  Here’s to the threshold!  Enjoy.

“Life itself means to separate and to be reunited, to change form and condition, to die and to be reborn. It is to act and to cease, to wait and to rest, and then to begin acting again, but in a different way. And there are always new thresholds to cross: the threshold of summer and winter, of season or a year, of a month of a night; the thresholds of birth, adolescence, maturity and old age; the threshold of death and that of the afterlife — for those who believe in it.”
― Arnold van Gennep

Threshold:  Thoughts; Hobbo; blindzanygirl; victoria; purplerays; strangers; heart; compassandcamera; beth; dale; brand; maedharanael; ben; tom; overthinking; shayan; swabby; Yinglan; Ramblings

Kopfkino


Kopfkino (noun) Origin: German | The act of playing out an entire scenario in your mind.

Hard translation is “head cinema” and as the definition goes, these are for those times where you start daydreaming or imagining scenarios about how a situation will unravel.

I live in my head.  Specifically when I am stressed out. My specific types of scenarios are often referred to as “heroic imagination” scenarios.  Yes.  I am the hero of my own dreams and my own imaginations. Of course to be a hero, you have to face adversity, trials, and tribulations.  I will admit that my scenarios run the outrageous to the often outlandishly ridiculous extreme. In my imagination, I never stood quietly by why bullies beat down the underdog.

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

I used to think it was weird.  Even when I was in the middle of one of these mental scenarios.  This existing in the reality of feeling inadequate, beaten down, or inadequate while at the same time co-existing in my wonderful mental reality of always overcoming the odds and taking out societies bullies and deviants through my Emmett Brown – mad-scientist high-intellect, James Bond -smarmy attitude, and MacGyver-like ingenuity.

What I believe played a part in my transition from every day nerd kid to heroic fixer of all things evil (or moderately annoying)?  As I researched this phenomena, I came to realize that this affliction might very well come from the wealth of random and situational realities that I grew up in.

When I was very young, most of my childhood heroes wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm. They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me. – Fred Rogers

Helicopter Parents – When I grew up, the definition of a helicopter parent would have been: A parent who randomly flies by and zooms off.  From about the age of 2-7, my sisters and i had free run of the yard and back alley and possibly the block our house existed on. Parents would look out the windows or neighbors would babysit us from their own windows.  We knew how to behave (mostly) because we knew we would be ratted out by the ratfink neighbors. From 7-11, we managed to work our territory to the local playground, swimming pool, chasing ice cream trucks for miles, and sometimes even to our downtown area. As long as we were back home before dark … or before our parents got home, we were pretty much never in trouble.  From 11-18 we pretty much did what we wanted and then begged for forgiveness after the fact.  This is not to say that we never got in trouble or found ourselves in ridiculous predicaments.  I imagine this is definitely one of the reasons my heroic imagination developed.  Childhood is sometimes kind of scary and to overcome this, I developed scenarios where I could rescue myself and my sisters.

80s movies – The Garbage Pail Kids, Killer Clowns from Outer Space, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Adventures in Babysitting, Better Off Dead, Breakfast Club, Red Dawn, Footloose, Weird Science, all of the Stephen King movies.  Really, almost every 80s movie ever made. Outlandish scenarios with outlandish heroes.

You can kind of see the hero in me.  Right?  Always in disguise. Kind of amazing.

Reading Books – I was a bit of a loner and super shy as a child.  I always played the part of the underdog.  I had a great imagination.  I read book after book about children and teens on magical adventures, or misadventures.  Kids who overcame difficulties like being kidnapped, shipwrecked, abandoned, etc.  They always managed to come out on top.  They were kids with moral courage and the willingness, adaptability and wherewithal to overcome the odds and stand up to evil in every form.

Military Training – I joined the Navy at 16 and went to boot camp during the summer between my junior and senior year.  Part of this was due to my belief that I was really the only one I could count on to fix, save, repair myself or my sisters from some of the outrageous situations we often found ourselves in.  I mean, you have to learn to fight and control situations and what better way to do that. Bootcamp sucked.  But I did learn some life skills that have stayed with me to this day.  I’m not afraid of many things.

“I think a hero is really any person intent on making this a better place for all people.” – Maya Angelou

As I grew up, married, had kids, divorce, changed jobs, traveled, and everything else that happens in life, I still occasionally (often) revert back to  this heroic and positively deviant imagination.  For years I tried to break this habit because even I thought it was bizarre.  This existing in the actual world while equally and positively existing in this alternate and wonderful world where I overcame the odds every single time.

After years of doing this, I feel like it often helps me figure out daily situations.  As long as I am not zoning out and being inappropriate.  I mean I have never actually tried to wear a spandex outfit and climb the side of a building.  But this imagination has made me a little more situationally aware.  I have been told it is better to be a hero in my imagination than the one who is beaten down. I think I am more resilient these days and less afraid than I was as a child.  I hardly ever play the bystander which is super helpful in a crisis situation.  Sometimes, my imagination only brings me to a place of self-acceptance.  For me, being the hero of my own story has led me to more amazing places and good outcomes than had I chosen to remain in my less appealing realities.  They have taught me to dream big and actually take action on my dreams.  There ain’t nothing wrong with being a hero.  Even if, most of the time, it’s only in your head.

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” – Christopher Reeve

“The hero is one who kindles a great light in the world, who sets up blazing torches in the dark streets of life for men to see by.” – Felix Adler

Imagination: serendipity; Pete; yi-ching; ambivert; sandra; ben; aarzu; rahul; rajan; ally; norah

POTP – yes that’s me


Only quotes for today.  Sometimes i have to come to terms that I am indeed POTP.   Even when my gut is telling me that I am not.  We all are.  Even if your gut is telling you that you are not.

There are more than a million ways to skin a cat.  But why are you skinning cats? This is a real question. – Sami

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
― Abraham Maslow

177674247_10158257180418282_4986732844741888893_n

“The problem contains the solution.” Michael Bierut

“We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them”  ― Albert Einstein

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”  ― Abraham Maslow

There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard.
There are not more than five primary colours, yet in combination
they produce more hues than can ever been seen.
There are not more than five cardinal tastes, yet combinations of
them yield more flavours than can ever be tasted.”
― Sun Tzu

“If you choose to not deal with an issue,
then you give up your right of control over the issue
and it will select the path of least resistance.”
― Susan Del Gatto

“A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on.”
― C.S. Lewis

solutions:  JoAnn: NHGS; Zoe; Borden; jano; drabble; knifton; troy; sean; teresa; Bigbuddy;

Abibliophobia


Is this word even real?

Abibliophobia describes my world in 2020 and beyond.  I googled it and it appears to be real.  However, i wonder if it is even a real word.  It seems to have only been around as long as the internet. I have nearly gone through my entire reading pile that I brought with me.  It has been awesome and yet now that the pile has dwindled, i am starting to feel a little abibliophobic.  I have asked friends to send me good books, I have purchased more online, I have raided the bookshelves at work.  Between COVID-19, lack of travel, and just wanting to stay out of the line of fire, my stockpile has just about been eliminated. 

I’m not afraid of many things, but I hate to be left alone or held hostage by certain circumstances with only my thoughts.  Left in a waiting room or stuck on the pot, I read leaflets, cereal boxes, adverts and rot.  

Urban Dictionary – An intense, all-consuming fear of running out of things to read.
I just finished rereading Eclipse for the eighteenth time and Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out for another month and a half… -burncrashdie-

Abibliophobia is quickly becoming an epidemic, but not quickly enough.
 
“ Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity… We cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access reassurance. ”~A.E Newton

Speaking of frightful words, a curious fear I’ve suffered from on occasion, especially on long airplane flights, is abibliophobia, the fear of not having enough to read. 

Another word I didn’t think was real? 

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is one of the longest words in the dictionary — and, in an ironic twist, is the name for a fear of long words. I’m guessing there is really a word for everything.

Wait.. there IS a word for everything: the universe, every little thing, all things. aggregate, totality, barrel, the whole shebang, the whole schmear, everth, all-that, tock and barrel, the kitchen sink, the works, entirety, total, whole, the whole kit and caboodle, the whole shooting match, lock stock and barrel, part and parcel, the whole ball of wax, megillah, etc, etc 

READ – Kristin; society; nightpoetry; dlogger; bex; kitten; maisy; selorm; sian; kjoakes

Aprosexia – Hyperprosexia – Paraprosexia – yup that’s me


Aprosexia, an abnormal inability to pay attention, characterized by near-complete indifference to everything. Opposite is hyperprosexia, meaning to concentrate on one thing to the exclusion of everything else; and, paraprosexia, meaning the inability to pay attention to anyone thing (a state of constant distraction).

When I find myself under duress, I believe that the word aprosexia is exactly what I am.  I can’t focus, I am easily distracted and it’s not because I can’t focus, it is more because I really just don’t care about what you are trying to get me to care about.  I just do not care.  Nothing you can do or say will bring me back from where ever I am.

Ironically, I am also very much almost completely the opposite.  I have been accused of being incredibly hyperprosexia when I am really into something.  I can be so deeply focused on just ONE thing that I get angry when I am in the middle of it and just want to be left alone.  There are special things that have me intensely occupied and when someone attempts to distract me from completing that special project I can quietly lose my mind.  This happens when I am working on an art project, reading a really good book, or just trying to get an important task done.

However, if there was ever a word that described me almost completely, it would likely be paraprosexia.  I am very good at being easily distracted.  I am great at multi-tasking because I operate better when there are a million things going on at the same time.  I tell circular stories.  I can start a joke, get distracted with my thoughts, my words, my ideas and my actions, and eventually get to the punchline.  My mind is often working overtime like these dancers in Nepal.  Crazy colors, sounds, and movement.  It’s my favorite place to be.

savage; boheme; Herry; Jonathan; Divine; hubner; Judy; quest; marie