Dad


This month is the 2nd anniversary of my dad’s passing.  I think of him several minutes out of every single day.  At different times he just pops into my mind. Sometimes a cloud shape, sometimes a semi-truck, sometimes a weird and funny event will cause him to just tumble through my brain.

He was the strongest, the most handsome and the friendliest man I have ever had the privilege of meeting.  He was the protector and provider always.  He could be gruff, but usually was only that way to scare the boys off of his 3 little girls.  He has always been my hero.  ALWAYS.

These words below were not his obviously, but weeks before he passed, he said some things very similar to my sisters and me.  Dad I miss you.  More than any words or photos can demonstrate. Love, Sami

Dear Deborah,

Words do not come easily for so many men. We are taught to be strong, to provide, to put away our emotions. A father can work his way through his days and never see that his years are going by. If I could go back in time, I would say some things to that young father as he holds, somewhat uncertainly, his daughter for the very first time. These are the things I would say:

When you hear the first whimper in the night, go to the nursery leaving your wife sleeping. Rock in a chair, walk the floor, sing a lullaby so that she will know a man can be gentle.

When Mother is away for the evening, come home from work, do the babysitting. Learn to cook a hotdog or a pot of spaghetti, so that your daughter will know a man can serve another’s needs.

When she performs in school plays or dances in recitals, arrive early, sit in the front seat, devote your full attention. Clap the loudest, so that she will know a man can have eyes only for her.

When she asks for a tree house, don’t just build it, but build it with her. Sit high among the branches and talk about clouds, and caterpillars, and leaves. Ask her about her dreams and wait for her answers, so that she will know a man can listen.

When you pass by her door as she dresses for a date, tell her she is beautiful. Take her on a date yourself. Open doors, buy flowers, look her in the eye, so that she will know a man can respect her.

When she moves away from home, send a card, write a note, call on the phone. If something reminds you of her, take a minute to tell her, so that she will know a man can think of her even when she is away.

Tell her you love her, so that she will know a man can say the words.

If you hurt her, apologize, so that she will know a man can admit that he’s wrong.

These seem like such small things, such a fraction of time in the course of two lives. But a thread does not require much space. It can be too fine for the eye to see, yet, it is the very thing that binds, that takes pieces and laces them into a whole.

Without it, there are tatters.

It is never too late for a man to learn to stitch, to begin mending.

These are the things I would tell that young father, if I could.

A daughter grown up quickly. There isn’t time to waste.

I love you,
Dad

― Lisa Wingate

neologism


neologism – early 19th century: from French néologisme . A newly coined word or expression. – Words or expressions used within a profession, industry or group.

Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work. ~~Carl Sandburg

Slang – The subset of a language.  It’s a type of communication that includes words and phrases that are generally informal and usually restricted to the people of a specific age, group, gender, or location. Secret speak, private coms, military acronyms, etc.  Communications that no one understands but the people within that special group or clan.  It’s the mother tongue of an entire nation down to the the quiet understanding of family that grew up in the same house and often does not even involve words.  

“Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.” (Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.)” ~~ Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s Guide To the Galaxy

The language of sisters is even more private.  It’s a language that started straight out of the womb, through the good times, the bad hair, the break ups, and the births.  Through the rough spots where you stop talking completely to the devastating losses that bring you bring you back together.  From the beginning to the end.

“Sisters don’t need words. They have perfected their own secret language of smiles, sniffs, sighs, gasps, winks and eye rolls.” ~~ Unknown

My sisters

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“Sisters may drive you crazy, get into your stuff and irritate you.                        However, if anyone else dares say so, a sister will defend you to the death.”                      ~~ Unknown

Followed by my daughters – the apples do not fall far from the trees.  Nor, apparently, do the experiences!! 

“We are sisters. We will always be sisters. Our differences may never go away, but neither, for me, will our song.”- Elizabeth Fishel 

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“At this point, none of us are sure why we fight. We’re sisters. We need no good reason to fight, even though we have plenty of them.” ~~ Ken Wheaton 

Pidgin – An amalgamation of two disparate languages, used by two populations having no common language as a lingua franca to communicate with each other, lacking formalized grammar and having a small, utilitarian vocabulary and no native speakers. Restructured language.

Vernacular – Adjective: Used in or suitable for everyday conversation rather than formal or official contexts. Of, or pertaining to, everyday or colloquial language. Limited to a particular area. Of the indigenous inhabitants of a place. From or in a nearby location. Noun: The language or dialect spoken by the ordinary people in a particular country or region. Commonly known term.

Argot – A secret language or conventional slang peculiar to thieves, tramps and vagabonds

“Well,’ said Can o’ Beans, a bit hesitantly,’ imprecise speech is one of the major causes of mental illness in human beings.’
Huh?’
Quite so. The inability to correctly perceive reality is often responsible for humans’ insane behavior. And every time they substitute an all-purpose, sloppy slang word for the words that would accurately describe an emotion or a situation, it lowers their reality orientations, pushes them farther from shore, out onto the foggy waters of alienation and confusion.’
The manner in which the other were regarding him/her made Can O’ Beans feel compelled to continue. ‘The word neat, for example, has precise connotations. Neat means tidy, orderly, well-groomed. It’s a valuable tool for describing the appearance of a room, a hairdo, or a manuscript. When it’s generically and inappropriately applied, though, as it is in the slang aspect, it only obscures the true nature of the thing or feeling that it’s supposed to be representing. It’s turned into a sponge word. You can wring meanings out of it by the bucketful–and never know which one is right. When a person says a movie is ‘neat,’ does he mean that it’s funny or tragic or thrilling or romantic, does he mean that the cinematography is beautiful, the acting heartfelt, the script intelligent, the direction deft, or the leading lady has cleavage to die for? Slang possesses an economy, an immediacy that’s attractive, all right, but it devalues experience by standardizing and fuzzing it. It hangs between humanity and the real world like a . . . a veil. Slang just makes people more stupid, that’s all, and stupidity eventually makes them crazy. I’d hate to ever see that kind of craziness rub off onto objects.”   ~~ Tom Robbins

Languages:  Alexis; Secret Language of Winter; Misky; MjDixit; ContentCatnip; BHW; dragonflypoetry; MSnubutterflies; thoughtsmith; lacaschronicles; FamFriendDB; Family’s secret language; vox; storyreadingape

 

Sturmfrei


(adj.) – Origin: German – Definition: The freedom of not being watched by a parent or superior; being alone at a place and having the ability to do what you want.  It can also mean free of storm I am told.

My sisters and I grew up without a lot of parental supervision.  We mostly did what we wanted. For the most part I think we turned out ok despite all of the freedom and lack of supervision.  We had family trips every year and despite the lack of supervision I think mom and dad provided us with a lot of good and bad examples of how to live which helped shape all of my adult decisions.

Sometimes I think we did so well BECAUSE of the lack of parental supervision.  I think we did ok. We learned (mostly) to treat others with respect or turn away from those we are not interested in.  Don’t be afraid of making mistakes in your life because no one can raz you like your family can.  It’s ok to ask questions because dad always brought a book to read.  Dream big because it is better to fail big .. like really big.. because no real lessons are learned by failing small.

I think for me the most important messages from both mom and dad were to laugh long and laugh at yourself.  Have fun, be honest, and don’t quit.  I think that is what stands out when I look at my sisters.  No matter what happens we pop back up, we laugh hard and work hard.  We don’t quit. I think too much supervision might have taken some essential mistakes (learning opportunities) from us.  I think we did ok.

kids: Dap; hobbo; aberdeen; anne; tony; katrina;

Saudade


Saudade (noun) Origin: Portuguese | sɐw’dadə A nostalgic longing to be near again to something distant or someone that is distant.

I am nostalgic about almost every place I have ever been.  I miss the memories of the traveling I have done, of the places I have seen, of the people I have met.  I took a trip to Croatia with my youngest daughter a few years ago and it really was an amazing time.  Sure there were the mommy/daughter moments that were outrageously annoying.  However, I prefer to only remember the best parts of that trip.

I think it’s easier to remember … and to forget the annoyances of traveling with family than it is regarding issues that arise while traveling with friends. For me, it is because family has known you forever and you have your patterns and histories of the good and the bad.  For every bad there is a good.  Especially with your children.  My dream has always been to show my children the world.  Luckily for me, I have been pretty successful at that.

Though I do love traveling with friends.  There is always a feeling of saudade when my children or family are not around.  I feel like I have let them down by not having them participate in my adventure.  The re-telling is never the same as the being there.  Also, there is a freedom of being able to comfortably be at your best, your worst, your goofiest, your happiest, and even your saddest.  I am looking forward to more travels with them, more memories with them, and really, just being nearer to them.

“That strange sense of being different stays with you. You long to be with people who are more like you. Similarities are what bonds humans than differences, Beevitha.”
― Husna Mohammad

Saudade:  Irina; Iamfierce; candk; seeking; julia; zeki; simon; Asakura; agogo; chronosfer;

Day 18 ~ Dear Past, Thank you for … Smiles


“Memories of childhood were the dreams that stayed with you after you woke.”
~Julian Barnes

Every time I start to feel down about myself, all I have to do is pull out a few of my favorite growing up photos and I can’t help myself but to smile.  How could you not.  Look at that half-crazed, maniacal-looking, happy child.

OK.. well.. not this one.  Apparently 1967 or 1968 (can you read the date on this picture?) was not my year (Little Sami, the smallest child on dad’s lap).

“Don’t you wish you could take a single childhood memory and blow it up into a bubble and live inside it forever?”
~Sarah Addison Allen

ahh here we go… just smile… be nice and … just smile

“When I was a kid, I imagined flying holding balloons”
~Luffina Lourduraj

girl; flowers; Alison; Janis; purple; Roshni; moondustwriter; Jane; tanaya