Eleutheromania


Eleutheromania (n.) – Origin: Greek – Definition: An intense and irresistible desire for freedom.

“When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw.”
― Nelson Mandela

As I watch the world, the people of the world, the events of the world ...  

                                I turn back time ….

                                                I jump into the future …

                                                        the

repetition … the same story again and again …

                                                                                                Why?

We think that in the world today...
only the countries

that we hear the most about ....

are the ones we should think about the most........
in fact...

even now...
there are ...
women
children
men
being
abused, censored, trafficked,
beaten, violated, oppressed,

terrorized, corrupted,

and .... on .... and ..... on ....... into

infinity and


I ask again



why?

                                         “Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.”

― Bob Marley

“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”
― Stephen King

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrison

“Freedom lies in being bold.”
― Robert Frost

The 57 nations in that world that aren’t free.  The 10 most censored countriesThe least free places on earth. Democracy in crisis. Top 3 countries. The state of the world.

Freedom: Roth; Pat; shantanu; Elizabeth; Riya; tatiana; sadje; Eleanor; James; Francisco; themouse

Morii


Morii (noun) Origin: Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows | The desire to capture a fleeting experience.

The truth is you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.  – Eminem

“A happening was looming. It was out there somewhere beyond the regular enclosed life that I had been living. It was out there, not waiting, but existing. Being. Perhaps it was only slightly wondering if I would come to it.”
― Markus Zusak

“If we only take a hard look at the facts of life, we will know that, really, nothing is in our hands – not even our hands are in our hands. Just try to hold your hand with your hand and you will know the reality. Really, nothing is in our power. Then what is the meaning of saying ”I” and ”me” and ”mine”? Here everything is happening, and happening together. It is an organic arrangement, an organic whole.”
― Osho

Fleeting – Anushk; Caeli; Pauli; MeRaw; Al; Soye; River; Jennie; LA; paean; shivani; abigail

Resfeber


Resfeber (n.) – Origin: Swedish – Definition: The restless race of the traveler’s heart before the journey begins, when anxiety and anticipation are tangled together.

I have had so many people tell me that I have been a very lucky person.  I have been lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time.  I’m lucky that I have a job.  I’m lucky that life has gifted me with so many great things.  I’m so lucky.  LuCk LucKluck!!

This accusation has always confused me. I used to try to argue that point.  The point being that luck did not have much to do with who I was, where I was, or really,  anything in my life.

What we call luck is the inner man externalized. We make things happen to us. – Robertson Davies

I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. – Thomas Jefferson

I used to try to explain that I had been given opportunities.  Opportunities that I chose to accept.  I used to try to explain that I had been presented with choices.  Choices I had to decide on and decisions I had to make.  One of the biggest choices I have had to make in life was to keep moving forward and to try not to look back, dwell on the past, and have regrets for the choices I had made.  This was not always easy, but the truth is, you cannot change the past, so why go there.

“Don’t look back and ask, Why? Look ahead and ask, Why not?”-Neil Patel

If Cinderella went to pick up her shoe; she would of not had become a princess.

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When you have butterflies and you’re feeling anxious and you have anxiety or are nervous, that’s when you’re most powerful… A lot of people, instead of honing this power and using it, they allow it to just consume them. 
― Jon Jones

I know that I have made mistakes in my life.  Everyone has.  I just chose to no longer beat myself up over them.  I always tried my best to stand back up, dust myself off, and try .. try.. try again.  Just go for it.  Do it.  I try to be reasonable when presented with choices.  I try to make the best decisions with the situations that I have to choose from.  Sometimes, the making of the decisions was nauseating.  Sometimes, there were very few options in front of me. Sometimes, I had to close my eyes, hold my breath, and just keep moving.

In the end, I just made the decision and went with it. I mean, what’s the worse that could happen?  Death? Possibly.  However, I did the work, made the decision, took the chance… often with a great leap of faith.  AND tada… here I am… and there I was… and here I am again.  Would the other way have been better?  I will never know.  Would I even want to know?

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Sometimes there are no words to help one’s courage. Sometimes you just have to jump.
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Those who don’t jump will never fly.
― Leena Ahmad Almashat

All I can say is… the view is often more beautiful .. the life is often unexpected..  the bad is often followed by the good… the ups are often followed by the downs and then back to the ups.. It all flows in a circular pattern.  It’s tipsy, topsy, turvy, and sometimes upside down.  You really can’t have the best without the worst or the tippy without the toe.  There is no such thing as one without the other. Take that leap and fly, baby fly.

My whole life has been spent walking by the side of a bottomless chasm, jumping from stone to stone. Sometimes I try to leave my narrow path and join the swirling mainstream of life, but I always find myself drawn inexorably back towards the chasm’s edge, and there I shall walk until the day I finally fall into the abyss.
― Edvard Munch

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Resfeber:  umesh; swede; allen; rad; mousumi; suzette; frank; johna; reggi; reena; beth; nimue; Rob

Meraki


Meraki (noun) Origin: Greek | Putting part of yourself into what you are doing.

This is a modern Greek word that’s often used to describe the instance wherein you leave a part of yourself (your soul, creativity, or love) in your work — so it’s like when you intensely love to do something or just about anything that you put something of yourself into it.

Love myself I do. Not everything, but I love the good as well as the bad. I love my crazy lifestyle, and I love my hard discipline. I love my freedom of speech and the way my eyes get dark when I’m tired. I love that I have learned to trust people with my heart, even if it will get broken. I am proud of everything that I am and will become. ~ Johnny Weir

I started this blog in July of 2012.  I initially started writing this and showing off the places, people, food, and art to help my kids be a part of what I was doing.  For the most part, they are largely oblivious that I am still writing this.  Initially I did it for them, but I have realized that over the years,  this blog has been something I have been doing as much, if not more, for myself as for them.  

Every time I go back and read what I have written, I can place myself in the exact place or state of mind I was in when I wrote it.  The pictures encapsulate where I was, and sometimes who I was, at that particular place and time.  A lot of what I wrote cracks me up.  Reminds me that I have not made gigantic philosophical leaps over time.  I am still the silly, weird, dorky, child that I was at 10.  I still wander and wonder about all of the things I come across. It takes very little to amuse me, make me smile, and/or destroy me.

I have on occasion gone back over some of my posts and have felt slightly embarrassed because what I wrote was a bit too ridiculous and stream of consciousness style.  I have considered deleting some posts for that reason, but changed my mind.  Those posts are likely more me than many of the other more lucid posts.  I am Sam, Sam I am, I am what I am. Auspicious beginnings was one of the first posts I wrote and yes, even now it is all true.

I put my all of me into my blog.  My soul, creativity, and love.  I started a diary when I was 9 years old (1976 if you struggle with math). Ironically, it took me over a year to start writing in it.  Like all diaries, I started out writing daily 9 year old drama and eventually moved to weekly, monthly, and eventually yearly entries.  In 2013, my daughter gave me a new diary called “The Happiness Journal” I wrote in that one for five years every single day.  I cannot honestly say those things were the happiest things I could have thought of, but they were also all me.

It’s so bizarre.  I can see myself in each of those pages in full form.  The love, hate, funny, angry, and sad person that wove me through my life.  I am 54 years old now and I imagine that at some point my kids will find this slab of my mind in print and laugh and cry as they work their way through what is likely going to be a 50+ year retrospective of my imagined but really felt joys and failures.

Seriously, leave me alone I was only 10!! Cracks me up though and I can seriously see angry little Sami, stonily sitting in her basement bedroom furiously writing out my little world’s woes.  Ah to be 10 again!

When my daughters were born, I began a journal of their lives and when they turned 17 or so, they were completely filled with my random wonderings of their lives and I presented these to them as a Christmas present one year.  I believe that they each still have that documentary evidence of my love for them during the first part of their lives.  I hope that they know that all of those words, photos, clippings bring back memories to me that are as real and poignant to me now as they were when I entered them into and onto those pages.

So my meraki appears to be documenting my own life and experiences and even the life and experiences of the ones I love.  I have been diligent about it.  Accurate to my own first-hand experiences and memories.  If you have read anything I have written here or looked at anything I have painted there.  You will see me.  You will see what I saw.  You will see and understand the things that have been important to me.  The things that are still important to me.  I hope you have enjoyed and will continue to enjoy the ride and the read.

Meraki mumblings:  Leha; Pooja; Princess; Merakisbsc; Gavin; Whisperer; Jess; Adyeshablog; Roy; DanielleAnika

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Numinous


Numinous (adj.) – Origin: English – Definition: Describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted.

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I’m not afraid of heights.  Yet, every time I rise above the clouds, my stomach turns.  I ask myself, “Why am I up here?”  Every time I stand at the edge of a drop off, I think, “Good Lord, what am I doing?”  I have flung myself from an airplane, jumped off the side of a mountain, jumped off rooftops, and bridges.  What was I thinking and why would I do that?  What is this fascination?  Why does anyone do it?

It’s crazy, but jumping from a plane or from the side of a mountain was way less scary than hanging Christmas lights from my roof, or washing my 2nd story windows.  I have heard that it is because you are so high in the sky that you can’t really grasp the full spectrum of where you are or what you are doing.  When you are on a ladder, or within view of the ground, you can actually feel how close you are and understand the consequences … or something like that.

I have only done it once, and it’s true, it does not actually feel like falling.  I guess that’s because you are traveling at about 120 miles an hour and you can’t actually go any faster and unlike being in a car or a plane, you do not have a chance to see things pass by you but only to feel the wind.  I have a video Skydiving in Venezuela and it’s such a rush re-watching it. It was definitely a numinous experience.  Something that I would be attracted to do again, and yet wonder… during the entire event… why oh why was I doing this?

“I guess everyone has a bird urge when they look down heights, a desire to jump, without wing or buoyant sail. Fear of heights is fear of a desire to jump.”
― Amruta Patil

“People who are saying that they are afraid of heights are usually not actually afraid of heights. They are afraid of falling, which means it’s a synonym for losing control.
So they have to get in touch with the definitional belief to find out what’s really going on.”
― Bashar

From a past post – another heights fascination.  Though I would be less likely to Canyon again.  It felt more dangerous than skydiving.  Again perspective.  The ground was so darn close.

Canyoning in Venezuela – (2 more links you can view) 2nd link 3rd link – Scared, hot, cold, falling, jumping, sliding, wet.  Energy, Exhaustion and Emotion.  Rushing water. Drowns thought. High-low-tired-wide awake.  Heart racing.  No worries only the moment. No thinking only moving.  Laughter. Fear. Laughter. Memories.

Heights:  CEE; stine; pensivity; crazy; kathy; jade; archyde; matrox; tadra; yahya; simplicity; guamanchi;