Zoanthropy

Zoanthropy. This is an interesting term! It refers to a person who has delusions that they are a form of animal or that they have changed into an animal.

I love animals and animals love me.  Except for seals.. refer to my seal attack post.. seals do not like me.  As a child I used to pretend to be a horse, or a dog, or a cat.  As a teacher I have taught kids to act like various animals while other children had to guess what animal they were.  It was the activity that they loved to participate in the most.

People love to put human attributes onto animals and animal attributes onto humans.  I usually take it a step further and act out the animals I love to become!! (monkey eating bananas, tiger, cougar, or even a fish).

I’m a cougar here if you didn’t catch that!

“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.”―James Herriot

“I think I could turn and live with the animals, they are so placid and self contained;

I stand and look at them long and long.

They do not sweat and whine about their condition;

They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins;

They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God;

Not one is dissatisfied-not one is demented with the mania of owning things;

Not one kneels to another, nor his kind that lived thousands of years ago;

Not one is responsible or industrious over the whole earth.” ― Walt Whitman

“How it is that animals understand things I do not know, but it is certain that they do understand. Perhaps there is a language which is not made of words and everything in the world understands it. Perhaps there is a soul hidden in everything and it can always speak, without even making a sound, to another soul.” ― Frances Hodgson Burnett”Animals are reliable, many full of love, true in their affections, predictable in their actions, grateful and loyal. Difficult standards for people to live up to.” ― Alfred A. Montapert“We patronize the animals for their incompleteness, for their tragic fate of having taken form so far below ourselves. And therein we err, and greatly err. For the animal shall not be measured by man. In a world older and more complete than ours, they are more finished and complete, gifted with extensions of the senses we have lost or never attained, living by voices we shall never hear. They are not brethren, they are not underlings; they are other Nations, caught with ourselves in the net of life and time, fellow prisoners of the splendour and travail of the earth.” ― Henry Beston

animal kingdom: john; steve; mitch; ann; gaby; judy; aletta; kim; ihagh; gelina; allen

Sprachgefühl

Sprachgefühl (noun) Origin: German | A person who has the feel for a language.

This literally translates as ‘language feeling’ from compound nouns combining Sprache (language) and Gefühl (feeling). Basically, this does not only refer to a person who has a good understanding of foreign languages but also to a person who has intuitiveness for what is linguistically appropriate.

The truth is, I have no real understanding of foreign languages.  I do have a good understanding and am very intuitive to what people are saying, meaning, or wanting though. I’m perceptive to the needs of others.  Not always accommodating but very perceptive to what they want or need.

I have taken both Spanish and Nepali courses for work.  Nepali was easier for me because it was completely not logical and did not even use the U.S. alphabet but an easier form of Hindi.  I was also able to learn the Korean alphabet when I was in Korea. However, the Spanish language was and continues to be a struggle for me.  There is something about learning a very hard language that makes the teachers a little more forgiving and makes the learning more memorable.  

As you can see, I was a very diligent student.  However, few of the measures I took helped me learn the language.  I just do not have a mind for this type of thing.  I enjoyed the role playing, the music, the movies and I could always get the gist.  But the memorizing of nonsensical words in nonsensical sentences didn’t help me at all.  It was exhausting.

After 7 months of Spanish, a few weeks in Ecuador in a language program, and many folks doing their best to help me out, I was still confusing past, present, future, imperative, gender, words in general.  I think because Spanish is everywhere and you can make out so many of the words, i felt it would be so much easier.

For me it was not.  I cannot tell you how many times I would be telling someone a story about my childhood in Spanish, and the person would look at me and say, “Wait, me?  Wait, you?  Wait, who are you talking about?”  My feelings were that if you did not understand me completely, you should at least understand if you or I had done something.. work it out man.  When i tell you a story about being attacked by a seal…. do you really have to ask “who” was attacked by a seal? I mean, unless you were actually attacked by a seal then yes, that is a great question.  Anyways.  

Once I completed my language classes, I completely enjoyed every country I visited.  I loved being able to even partially communicate in any of the languages of the countries I visited.  It completely changed the travel experience. 

Also, even though I did not quite know all the words, I was able to tell jokes, laugh at jokes, sing along, and carry on broken conversations with just about anyone. I think that having a “feel” for a language is sometimes more important than to be able to speak it perfectly.  Sadly my bosses do not always agree with my philosophy .. and sure they are at least partly right.  I do know that I had fun and I do know that people had fun with me and sometimes at my expense for my communication errors.  In my world, that means total success.

I have been to many countries at this point and in many of the countries I never spoke the language at all.  I think if you looked at all of the pictures below, you would not be able to know which countries I understood and spoke the languages and which ones I did not.  For me, the understanding came with the smiles.  It came with laughing over common states of being.  It came from eating and drinking the same food and realizing that we all had some of the same joys and some of the same sadnesses. 

I am definitely classifiable as a Sprachgefühl … if that is even a classifiable state of being.  See, not even sure if this is a real word, but you feel me, right?

Venezuela

Ghana

Egypt

Venezuela

Cambodia

Nepal

Nepal

Someone isn’t happy – Caracas

Nepal

Egypt

Nigeria

Korea

Nigeria

beautiful happy children in Cambodia

Korea

India

Cambodia

Korea

Nepal

Nepal

Nepal

Cambodia

Korea

Themed happy hour with Adopted son – Caracas

Egypt

what does the dog say?   Rochelle; Ibonoco; varnika; Rosie; Troy; Debasis; Jim; Rebecca; helen; annette; libertatemamo; albigensia; Cherie; suzanne

Memermemermemer

Coping mechanisms are healthy.  My coping mechanism is humor.. sometimes funny.. sometimes silly.. sometimes super dark.  In a very scary world.. right now, my friends who pass me anything that will make me laugh.. are my favorite friends.  I had a friend in junior high who sent me a card once that read, “The one who laughs- lasts.”  I concur.

Please skip by if you are not amused.  Definitely not for everyone.. but covid19 .. eat it.

Smile –

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Leo Buscaglia

Don’t be a dick about it…doctrines

I’m going to start out talking a little bit about who I am and how I am before I go into how I decided on the title of this particular blog.

“When there are too many assholes around,
I feel like its my duty to be a dick.”
― Hazar Emiral

It’s been a frustrating and exciting 8 years in this job and I can hardly believe how much time has passed and how quickly it has passed.  I am currently preparing to leave my current location and move on to the next.  At the same time, I have to study Spanish, write evaluations and a variety of other reports, think about what training I need, pack out my current house, meet and greet new people, think about the new requirements I will be facing in my new position … AND… continue staying up to pace on my current work. This adds additional pressure on maintaining my positive attitude and not breaking down or getting angry about things that are out of my control.

This is my third country and I love it and will miss it when I leave.  I pretty much say that about every place I have ever been.  This country though is super special to me (I probably say that about every country as well).  The people in particular are super special to me (yes, I say that as well).

I think the country and its people like me as well.  One of the things I really like about it is the people who live and work here very easily express their anger, their joy, their frustrations and their absolute happiness and faith.  I love that because that is really how I am as well.  Not everyone loves that about me and not everyone “gets” that about me.  I do not hide much of what I am feeling and people pretty much know exactly how I feel as I am feeling it.

I am admittedly not a clear speaker.  I talk in circles and “use too many words”.  I can easily be led off topic (but do not believe for a second I have forgotten the original theme of the conversation).  I’m often wrongly accused of being mad, frustrated, unhappy and way too abrupt…. but really I’m just trying to talk.  The irony is, the people who do not feel that I am all of those negative things really see me as super happy, flakey, funny, light-hearted, and spontaneous person.  I have been working on trying to meld the two versions of me into one package but seriously, when I lose it it is usually only after trying to be all of the positive forms of myself to obtain a positive result from a variety of people and no one is hearing me and the ones that do hear me do not understand how much effort it is taking to be so nice for so long.

Dalton: All you have to do is follow three simple rules. One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary. And three, be nice. – Roadhouse

Yes, I am sarcastic and some take that as being snide.  Yes, I am abrupt and some take that as being rude.  Yes, I am often too honest and some take that as being offensive.  I swear I am really trying to tone that down as this personality type does not play out well in my current job.  I’d like to think I’m not a dick.. but even I feel bad after I chastise myself and I have been doing that to me for over 50 years. I can only imagine how it might make someone else… who has not spent as much time with me as I have… feel bad when I try to make my instructions or advice heard and understood.

So as the pressure has been building and I have become increasingly frustrated about all that is currently on my plate, I have had to remind myself nearly every day to just chill.. (did I mention I am also doing a construction project on my house in the U.S. while being overseas.. so..yeah.. )

So there I was.  Just minding my own business.  Trying to get through the one thing that would lead to the next thing.  Story of my life.  Story of every person’s life I suppose.  Sometimes trying to slow down and other times trying to just step it up a notch.  But just trying to chill.. just chill.. and I look on the floor of my bedroom and see a worn out, folded over, dirty, typed document.

To be clear, this is not mine.  I live alone.  Where did it come from?  Timely yes… but who knew that i was needing this message right now.. in my home.. seriously the universe must be keying into my breakdown.  So basically because I probably have been being a bit of a dick lately and I am guessing this is a world wide phenom these days.. I thought I would share with the world what the universe shared with me.  It’s good stuff.. it really is… so here goes.

Pretty good right?  Still not sure where it came from.  But obviously great advice.   I am who I am (Sam I am) and have grown to be how I am from my many emotional stances.  I am not always the nicest in my expressions but I want to always be nice in my intent.

I could do nice, but it’s just not as much fun. Being nice isn’t my biggest goal in life. I’m trying to be honest about who I am, and that’s not always nice. I’m not always the world’s cheerleader.  Sharon Stone

The only difference between me and others is that they think they can change something with cute little poems, nice cards or embracing trees and being nice to little lapdogs. Henry Rollins

It’s no good being nice and young and naive. There’s no good in that at all. You’ve got to do it all yourself, and you’ve gotta learn quick. And you can’t look for sympathy either. John Lydon

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Philo

It’s not our job to play judge and jury, to determine who is worthy of our kindness and who is not. We just need to be kind, unconditionally and without ulterior motive, even – or rather, especially – when we’d prefer not to be. Josh Radnor

Be kind, don’t judge, and have respect for others. If we can all do this, the world would be a better place. The point is to teach this to the next generation. Jasmine Guinness

15+ Nearly 21

It took a few days for me to sit down and focus on this topic.  Every time I tried to envision what I would say, a tidal wave of emotions would surface and halt any progress.  I considered not saying anything but that would not really fair to my own need of saying it… of remembering it.. of dealing with it.  Even if it is only once a year.

I spent almost 21 years preparing for what happened 15 years ago. In spite of the amount of training I received, I never once thought I would need to put it to use. NEVER!  This event affected every single part of my life.

I was a single parent of two young girls putting myself through university.  I had a routine of getting up in the morning, doing yoga, having coffee, relaxing for the very short portion of my day that did not involve chaos and movement.  I would play music while doing yoga, then I would turn on the news and grab my first cup of coffee.

On this morning, I turned on my television and as I turned towards the kitchen to get my first cup, I saw what looked like a burning building in NYC.  I thought it was strange because my tv didn’t have special movie channels (I was too broke to afford that package) and it was ALWAYS on the Today show at this time of day.  I glanced back toward the tv trying to work this out when I saw the second plane hit.  Thus began the beginning of the end of my life as I knew it.

I was in the Navy reserves and had been for close to 15 years by that time.  In the beginning I expected to be called up immediately.  Every day I held my phone with me for 24 hours a day just waiting for it to ring with that call.  I went through each day, with my nerves on edge, my breath held, and eyes on the news at every opportunity with shock a constant emotion that made it difficult to think and act normal. My oldest daughter told me to stop watching the news because it made her sad.  Like an addict, I would sneak peaks of the news while the kids were sleeping our out playing.  This seemed to go on and on and on.  There was no break from it. So much unknowing.

After about a month, I relaxed.  I expected that others had been called up and maybe I would be allowed to continue my very average life, maybe there had been some resolution and things were just winding down.  I slowly started letting my guard down and gaining hope that life might indeed return to as normal it could ever be again, for myself and for the nation.  Despite the horror, we would carry on.

About a month and a half after the towers fell, I was waiting in line to get some take out sushi for my kids.  There was some soft Japanese music playing in the background of the main restaurant, pop music playing in front of me, and the sound of water trickling from a fountain in the entrance.  My phone rang, I answered it thinking it was my kids wanting me to change their order.

The world stopped, but the sounds around me continued on as I was given the notice that I would have three days to pack out my life, put my degree program on hold for an undetermined amount of time, and get my children to the east coast to live with their dad while I moved to an undisclosed location.  The world continued to move around me at lightening quick speed, while at the same time it seemed to be going in slow motion.  Chaos and turmoil intermixed with a numb silence. Back and forth..forth and back.  I have never been able to completely express the madness and calm that encompassed my life during those 3 days.

Over the next 10 months I made friends in a distant location, I had experiences I will never forget, and most importantly we all survived.  We were all changed. Irrevocably changed, but we survived.  About 5 years later, I was mobilized again, and again I was changed.  My life, my plans, my kids, my employment.  Everything changed.

I had nearly 21 years of service by this time and decided it was time to retire from the military.   I do not regret a single moment of the time I served.  I am usually not the type of person to want to go back and change the past.  As if you could.  I am proud of my service and proud of the people who served beside me. I believe that everything from my past has made me into who I am today.  Though I am a new person…for better or for worse…I will never forget the before sam..the before people of our nation…the before world.

I overheard someone recently say, “Oh boy, it’s almost that time again.” The person next to him said, “What time?”  He replied, “You know…9/11 memorials.  We won’t be able to do anything without having to hear about that.  It’s going to mess up a lot of plans I have.  I wish we could just get over that.  It’s not like it’s going to happen again!!”  At first I was angry and a little shocked.  Then I relaxed and realized that, I too sometimes wish we could go back to that mentality.  That innocence. That ridiculous feeling of untouchability. We can’t do that.  We should NOT do that. We do not have to live as victims and in fear, but we should never forget what happened and how easily it happened.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  Santayana “The Life of Reason. 1905”

Nearly 21 – years of service.  All of it is remembered fondly.  Never can forget.

Some of my favorite posts about New York.  One of my favorite cities.  Always will be.  I hope you enjoy.

Growth

Perspective – New York Adopt Me;      A tale of two cities;      A city;    NEW York;   In the background;    Peace youse;    All aboard;