Happy birthdeathsary Dad..

October has been a month dedicated strictly to my dad.  It is the month of his birth as well the month of his death.  Every day on Facebook I have posted a picture of and a story relating to my dad that I think coincides to the story.  As stated in my last post, he was an amazing man and the most amazing man I have encountered in my life.

Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad, and that’s why I call you dad, because you are so special to me. You taught me the game and you taught me how to play it right.   ~~~Wade Boggs

October 1 – Dad, Mom, and the grandmas – 

It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was. ~~~Anne Sexton

October 2  &  3  – Dad and me about 2010 -and the  darn  family!! 

My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~~~Clarence Budington Kelland

Oct 4 – Dad and some sisters at L&E.. I know it’s the Sportsman cafe but will always belong to L & E to my heart.

My father was my teacher. But most importantly he was a great dad. ~~~Beau Bridges

October 5 – Dad’s younger days.  Reminding  me  and  teaching  me…  my  worth  ..  my  value..  day  by  day  

My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. ~~~Marlo Thomas

October 6 – One of my very favorite photos. Mom and dad looking so young, Patricia and Veronica not looking any different these days, and me looking slightly crazed. This photo immortalized into a deck of cards after dad’s passing by Dori (Thank you so much)! Nothing but hearts and smiles in my heart right now and every time I look at this.

My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life. ~~~Lee Iacocca

October 7 – An oldie but a goodie. Mom and dad. Both gave me humor.  Both gave me inspiration and ability. Both game me drive and determination.  But only one.. only one.. gave me 100% unconditional love.  Every time.. all the time…

A father’s tears and fears are unseen, his love is unexpressed, but his care and protection remain as a pillar of strength throughout our lives. ~~~Ama H. Vanniarachchy

October 8 – This one is for missing yesterday.. so weird to think that I am older now than my mom or dad was in this picture.. an obvious thing but so weird how you can outlive a memory that feels like it was only yesterday.

Dad is and always will be my living, breathing superhero. ~~~ Bindi Irwin

October 9 –

Dad and his truck… probably some of my favorite one-on-one times! Just me and him driving down 90 or 94.. he’d let me call out to other truckers.. breaker breaker this is 2 can sam (cb name that started as a tease from my sisters becoming coolest name ever).. chats about everything from books to jokes.. oh the stories he could tell.. (I once met a man on the road with such greasy hair.. flies would just slide right off) one day after I had been talking nonstop.. dad pointed out the window and said..”you see that mountain Sami? It’s probably about 50 miles away now. What do you see?” I spent the next 50 miles looking quietly.. then making a guess.. I never saw what he was looking at..before he passed.. talking through memories of road trips, I remembered that.. I asked him about it.. he remembered it too.. I asked him what he had been looking at.. his eyes teared up.. so did mine.. but instead of crying he started laughing.. I was like… what?!? He could barely speak he was laughing so hard .. and between gasps.. he finally got it out…

NOTHING he saw nothing.. he was just trying to get me to shut up!!! Hahahaha!! 40+ years thinking about what was on the mountain.. that man.. he knew how to keep a long joke going.. we laughed so hard.. yeah! Dad, love ya… still laughing..

October 10 –

My good people as you pass by

as you are now so once was I.

As I am now you soon will be ,

prepare yourself to follow me.

It was my father who taught me to value myself. ~~~ Dawn French

October 11 –

Dad … CHOSE … me.

When I was about 26 years old, I found out that dad was not my biological dad. I was the only one who didn’t know, and the only one who didn’t freak out. I was amazed by it. Not broken by it. Apparently he made it clear to everyone he didn’t want me to know he wasn’t my biological dad because he didn’t want me to ever feel like I didn’t fit in. I believe it was truly the only secret my family was ever able to keep. I spent my life knowing that I was loved by my dad. But up until that very moment, I had never really known that me, being loved by dad, was not just a biological inevitability, but a deliberate and hard thought out choice that he made. The fact I never knew and would never have known … well, that says way more than words ever could.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. ~~~Spike Milligan

October 12-

This is just one more example of why dad was special. Never one to skip a laugh. Never one to not join in with our own jokes. Miss your humor dad.

My father was not a failure. After all, he was the father of a president of the United States. ~~~Harry S Truman

October 13 –

I guess you could say these two have always been my favorite men. The only two who made me feel comfortable enough to be silent. I’m not saying silence happened often. I’m just saying that their calmness created calm inside of me.

No matter what was going on, they were unflappable. .. dad and grandpa…grandpa and dad. They both had an amazing sense of humor. Grandpa was a little quieter than dad and that’s saying a lot because dad was pretty darn quiet at times. While dad always had a book with him grandpa always had some kind of activity going on. You can’t blame dad because he was surrounded by very talkative women.

So many stories about each of them. I remember having my first car and letting one of my friends drive I decided to go visit my grandpa. I told my friend to take a right a little bit too late and she ran into his fence knocking down the entire gateway. When we pulled to a stop we tried switching places so he would think I did it and by the time we switched seats and looked up, he was standing directly in front of us. Had seen the whole thing. Didn’t say a word. He put his rake against the wall, grabbed his hammer and some nails and went to repair the fence. Grandpa and dad never once brought this incident up in any negative way.

My friend and I still talk about this. Grandpa and dad actually laughed about this until the very end. Completely unflappable. Miss you both!

My father told me ‘Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.’ ~~~Dave Chappelle

October 14 – 

Getting close to dads birthday now and thought I would go way,way, way back with him. High school senior picture I think. Has always been a reminder to me that when I see some old geezer walking down the street all cranky and full of piss and vinegar.. they were young once too. Bright-eyed and bushy tailed and ready to conquer the world.

Fast forward about 36 years. Mom and dad helping me put a new roof on my house. End of day. Dad and I go to that old bar in Hillyard that is at the top of green street down from Amicarrellas (sp?) sitting in there having a beer and and he says to me, “See that kid walking in? How old do you think he is?” I replied at least 21, we are in a bar dad. He was like.. no, no I know.. but how old do you think he is?

Now not many know this about dad but he was a thinker. Always had been. So when he asked a second time, well I knew he was about to make a point. So I guessed 23-24. He said, “Exactly! And every day I get up.. that’s how old I feel like I am. And as I get out of bed with bones creaking and pass a mirror.. I always ask my reflection.. who the FK is this ol’ bstrd looking back at me. Life goes by so quickly Sami-don’t forget that.”

I never have! Love you dad.

Everything my mother and father did was designed to put me where I am. ~~~Henry Louis Gates

October 15

Man you gotta love the 80s. This is basically proof that I wasn’t just a daddy’s girl.. heck I was a daddy’s teen.. followed by a daddy’s woman .. eventually I was a daddy’s Grammy Sami…

Being a daddy’s girl is like having permanent armor for the rest of your life.” ~~~Marinela Reka

October 16

Sometimes you forget that your parents also have parents… have lost parents.. as much as I was a daddy’s girl.. dad was a momma’s boy. Not in today’s interpretation of the word.. but he was just a kid who, through his life, LOVED his momma. My grandma. He also frequently tried to emulate his daddy. But his mom.. that’s where his heart was.

A father needs to be the standard against which she will judge all men. ~~~Gregory E.

October 17

When I think of this group, I think of happy gatherings. Holidays. Anniversaries. Birthdays. Only 2 remain. That doesn’t make me sad. Sometimes wistful. But not sad. There is only one way out of this messy, chaotic life. I try my best to celebrate that fact. Each and every day. I am not always successful at that. Sometimes I am a complete and utter failure at it. When that happens, and it has and it will happen again, I try not to beat myself up too hard. Before my mom passed..and during dad’s fight with cancer, I asked them both the same question and they both answered in relatively the exact same way. I try to always remind myself of their answer and pull myself up and once again carry on.

Me: Do you have any regrets?

Mom: Yeah. But what can you do about the past? All I can do is try to keep being me. A better me.

Dad: Of course. You can’t get through life successfully without em.. just gotta keep trucking.. hope for the best

So I just keep truckin..forgiving myself..trying to be a better me.. accepting of others more.. because none of us make it out of here alive and we are all just doing the best we can.

Fathers and daughters have a special bond. She is always daddy’s little girl. ~~~Richard L. Ratliff

October 18

This is by far my favorite picture of dad.  My daughters and dad just cutting a rug. When my sisters and I grew up, I think mom and dad had had enough of the kids, any kids, in their house.  So to be honest, we never spent much time with them.  They weren’t the huggy, lovey, kissy grandparents.  They didn’t beg for more time with the kids.  It always made me a little bit sad.  But I knew that they loved each other. I just don’t think they had enough time together.  Love is such an easy thing to forget.  Or just miss.

This picture is always a reminder to me that, if given the chance, and you let your guard down, there is always a chance for smiles and laughter.  I wish my daughters could have spent more good times with dad.  Times like this.  They loved him and he loved them. I am not sure that any of them REALLY knew it.    It’s just another reminder of how short time is. Let people know that you REALLY love them.

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. — Gene Perret

A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life. ~~~ Dr. James Dobson

October 19

When I think of this group, I think of happy gatherings. Holidays. Anniversaries. Birthdays. Only 2 remain. That doesn’t make me sad. Sometimes wistful. But not sad. There is only one way out of this messy, chaotic life. I try my best to celebrate that fact. Each and every day. I am not always successful at that. Sometimes I am a complete and utter failure at it. When that happens, and it has and it will happen again, I try not to beat myself up too hard. Before my mom passed..and during dad’s fight with cancer, I asked them both the same question and they both answered in relatively the exact same way. I try to always remind myself of their answer and pull myself up and once again carry on.

Me: Do you have any regrets?

Mom: Yeah. But what can you do about the past? All I can do is try to keep being me. A better me.

Dad: Of course. You can’t get through life successfully without em.. just gotta keep trucking.. hope for the best

So I just keep truckin..forgiving myself..trying to be a better me.. accepting of others more.. because none of us make it out of here alive and we are all just doing the best we can.

October 20

This is likely one of my most common memories of dad. It’s just dad coming home. Happened all the time. It was a super common event. So why take a picture? Well, dad was a trucker. He was gone a lot. This could have been a normal day or a special event. But it doesn’t matter. Pretty much every time he came home it was special. I’d love to see him walk in a door again. Any door.

A father’s job is not to teach his daughter how to be a lady. It’s to teach her how a lady should be treated. ~~~ Unknown

October 21

Dad’s birthday is tomorrow. As I was scrolling through my photos I came across the mile 13 photo. This set photo is huge. It started as a trip dad wanted to take to visit mom’s resting place in Montana. Was supposed to be dad, me, and my sisters but turned into.. a 15 passenger van with pretty much the whole family… down to the grandkids! At first I think dad was annoyed.. but it’s one of the things he talked about during one of our last conversations. One of the most chaotic but best memories he had. He had planned this to be his last resting place. You had to drive through some beautiful country to get there… find mile marker 13, climb through someone’s fence, climb s bill…dad, my sis, and Mike drove there to scout it out.. apparently after som 60 years.. it was gone. It was a new development.. as dad put it to me.. ”Well, I was very disappointed. Yet surprised it had been left for so long. I can still feel the drop in my stomach. But what do ya do?” That led to us looking over the pictures of the trip.. when he got in the van to go visit mom.. his only thought had been…”WTF have I just got myself into!” I asked him how many times in his life had that thought popped into his head raising us. He looked at me and without a blink said, “Every FKN day!” Then laughed.. and said, “But like that trip, at the end of it, I have had more happy times than frustrated times and I don’t regret a thing.”

October 22 – Happy Birthday Dad.

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I love my daddy. My daddy’s everything. I hope I can find a man that will treat me as good as my dad.” ~~~Lady Gaga

My dear father; my dear friend; the best and wisest man I ever knew, who taught me many lessons and showed me many things as we went together along the country by-ways. ~~~ Sarah Orne Jewett

Daddy, thanks for being my hero, chauffeur, financial support, listener, life mentor, friend, guardian and simply being there every time I need a hug.  ~~~Agatha Stephanie Lin

Pictures- words- poems – :   Dad Quote; Bittersweet memories; My Dad Was Right; Places in our Memories; Good Memories; Memories; Memories in Photographs;  Scent of a memory; Spicy Memories; Dear Mum and Dad; Swiss Sunday – Lasting Memories; In Memory;  Friday Fictioneers: Seeing Dad; Memories; A Special Man And His Memories; Wayward Memory; Infinite Dad; Places in our Memories; A walk down the memory lane; Goodbye, Dad

Dad

This month is the 2nd anniversary of my dad’s passing.  I think of him several minutes out of every single day.  At different times he just pops into my mind. Sometimes a cloud shape, sometimes a semi-truck, sometimes a weird and funny event will cause him to just tumble through my brain.

Mom and Dad

Mom in the 1990’s – 2000s very far left dancing with dad and some random woman

For flash back Thursday I’m reminded of a true cowboy my daddy. I laugh because turned the TV low and behold gunsmoke is the first thing I see is Matt Dillon riding a buckskin horse. See my daddy was like Matt Dillon kind loving and oh so handsome. Days may come and go but the love of my daddy will never fade. Just as the reruns of Gunsmoke. So my message today is people my leave our lives but there memories will forever last in our hearts.

Dad are you really smiling? Montana Camping trip.

Camp trip in Montana. Sis and dad

Old photos of my family. Mom/dad sisters

This is a little doohickey dad found in a parking lot. Snidely rode with my dad for nearly 40 years when he was a truck driver.

He was the strongest, the most handsome and the friendliest man I have ever had the privilege of meeting.  He was the protector and provider always.  He could be gruff, but usually was only that way to scare the boys off of his 3 little girls.  He has always been my hero.  ALWAYS.

These words below were not his obviously, but weeks before he passed, he said some things very similar to my sisters and me.  Dad I miss you.  More than any words or photos can demonstrate. Love, Sami

“Dear Deborah,

Words do not come easily for so many men. We are taught to be strong, to provide, to put away our emotions. A father can work his way through his days and never see that his years are going by. If I could go back in time, I would say some things to that young father as he holds, somewhat uncertainly, his daughter for the very first time. These are the things I would say:

When you hear the first whimper in the night, go to the nursery leaving your wife sleeping. Rock in a chair, walk the floor, sing a lullaby so that she will know a man can be gentle.

When Mother is away for the evening, come home from work, do the babysitting. Learn to cook a hotdog or a pot of spaghetti, so that your daughter will know a man can serve another’s needs.

When she performs in school plays or dances in recitals, arrive early, sit in the front seat, devote your full attention. Clap the loudest, so that she will know a man can have eyes only for her.

When she asks for a tree house, don’t just build it, but build it with her. Sit high among the branches and talk about clouds, and caterpillars, and leaves. Ask her about her dreams and wait for her answers, so that she will know a man can listen.

When you pass by her door as she dresses for a date, tell her she is beautiful. Take her on a date yourself. Open doors, buy flowers, look her in the eye, so that she will know a man can respect her.

When she moves away from home, send a card, write a note, call on the phone. If something reminds you of her, take a minute to tell her, so that she will know a man can think of her even when she is away.

Tell her you love her, so that she will know a man can say the words.

If you hurt her, apologize, so that she will know a man can admit that he’s wrong.

These seem like such small things, such a fraction of time in the course of two lives. But a thread does not require much space. It can be too fine for the eye to see, yet, it is the very thing that binds, that takes pieces and laces them into a whole.

Without it, there are tatters.

It is never too late for a man to learn to stitch, to begin mending.

These are the things I would tell that young father, if I could.

A daughter grown up quickly. There isn’t time to waste.

I love you,
Dad”
― Lisa Wingate

Pauciloquent

Pauciloquent. If you are a person of few words, then this is the term for you. It refers to someone who doesn’t say much or who, when giving a speech, gives a very short one. This is a great way for you to tell people you are a person of few words, without having to say that whole long statement. Give this a try next time and see what happens.

This word is NOT me.  At all.  One of my employment evaluations described me like this, “Sami is a great person, she just uses TOO many words when talking.”

My year “word” blog challenge has actually helped me figure out how to pronounce words and guess at it before i actually look it up. I guessed correctly (pas sil e quent).  Just flows off the tongue.

My sisters and I, along with my mother were the exact opposite of pauciloquent.  We were chaotic, loud, boisterous, charismatic, and whatever else.  Dad always brought a book with him when we all met up.  He couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

I think I like the word so much because it reminds me of my dad.  He was a truckdriver and I used to go on the road with him every chance I could.  We didn’t say a whole lot.  However, what we did talk about, stays with me even today.

His dad was also quite pauciloquent. Strong and silent they were. Even though they didn’t say much, every word they said, you heard.  Each word had meaning and each word made an impression.

Despite his quiet nature, he had a great sense of humor and was a super loving guy. Anyways.  I miss him and my grandpa.  As quiet as he was, he was so funny.  Yup.  Miss ya dad.

Pauciloquent (adj) (rare)

paw-sil-o-kwent  — Uses few words in speech or conversation; laconic.

I love the way this one sounds. Mid 17th century; earliest use found in Thomas Blount (1618–1679), antiquary and lexicographer.

Example sentences

“I was trying to be friendly but he’s so pauciloquent it’s like pulling teeth.”

 

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

Mark Twain

The more you say, the less people remember.

Francois Fenelon

 

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.”
― George Burns

Be Brief: Lavender; aloysius; flammeus; chitwood; brad; raven; cavershamjj; nananoyz; padrepio; tammyb; andifnotnow

Day 20 – See ya later alligator

In awhile crocodile.

A story about my dad that very few people outside of my family know.  A story that I never heard until I was about 26 years old.  Through unfortunate circumstances, I was told that the father I grew up with was not my biological father.  Everyone freaked out when I heard the news.  Everyone panicked.  Apparently everyone knew but me.  The only person who did not freak out was.. well.. me.  In my mind, it didn’t matter.  It really didn’t.  He was the only dad I knew. He was the only man who ever took care of me, treated me like his own, treated me with respect and unconditional love.. as a real dad.. pops.. father would.  Why would I care if someone else was the biological part of me.  I really didn’t care.

Apparently, he had told everyone that he didn’t want me to ever find out that he was not my “real” dad.  He wanted me to feel secure in his love, parental place in my life, and a part of him.  I felt all of those things. As a matter of fact, if anyone had ever stated that one of my parents was not my biological parent.. I would have guessed it was my mom.  Seriously.  Dad always told me I was his favorite (he had a heart for runts I guess).  He was a truck driver and I would always beg him to go on trips with him.  He almost always caved in.  Those were some of my favorite times. (we had the same sense of humor).  Mom and dad cut wood to heat our house and to sell to make ends meet.  I was the only one who really loved doing this with them.  (I’m clumsy and often got hurt, but it was the time spent together that I loved and I would love to think that he loved it too.. he did.)

When he found out that I had learned he was not my father, HE was devastated.  Remember my family had freaked out.. my mom.. sisters.. aunts.. etc..(apparently I came across as a delicate flower that would not recover from such torrential raining news… I didn’t).  He had no idea how honored I was that his love for me was much more than just a father loving his daughter.  It was a solid choice he made.  A choice that he made before I was even born.  He WANTED me.

Both mom and dad had been married before and both had children from their first marriages.  Mom was pregnant with me when she met dad.  He knew about me and CHOSE to marry her and CHOSE to care for me like a biological father.  CHOSE to care for my older sister like a biological daughter. He never treated any of us different from the other.  I was honored.  Didn’t even bother searching for a lost biological link.  I didn’t care.  No one loved me like dad loved me and maybe nobody ever will.  That’s ok.. I suppose it would be sort of weird if someone did.

So, as you can imagine, when he was diagnosed with Stage 3 stomach cancer how devastated I was.  April 2020.  Pure devastation.  However, he had a good attitude. Despite COVID, travel restrictions, work, etc. I was able to go home from mid-July to mid-August.  He was actually doing great.  He was tolerating the treatment and had a great attitude.  We knew it was terminal but he was doing so great that we had hope he could maybe beat it.  I went back to work with a plan to come back in October for his 80th birthday.

Between July and October he had several birthday parties.  My beautiful sister and her amazing husband took him to Denver to visit his sisters, both in their 90s.  It was the first time he had flown first class.

They also took him on a road trip to visit a hill where mom and her family had their ashes spread years before (sadly the hill was gone.. as was our family favorite “Hungry Horse”).  Despite all of that .. he had vowed to just keep living life until he was done.  I was able to go to the cancer center with him for his treatments, have lunch at our favorite cafe, visit with his friends, have a couple of backyard barbeques, and on and on.  He had told me several times that his goal was his actual 80th birthday.

From my visit in July until I returned in October, I saw an extreme difference in his health.  He had lost over 50 pounds from August to October.  Sometimes he would talk but often he would just stare.  He was barely eating.  But he was adamant about having an 80th birthday party.  It was scheduled for the 17th of October.  Well, he made it.  Even did a shot of something.  Many of his friends were there.  Many more were not.  He then made it to his actual birthday a week later.  He was barely cognizant by this point but his determination was as it had always been.  He was going to see his actual birthday.  We took him out for a birthday water at this point.  Even fewer friends were present but he made it.   Six days after he turned 80, he had decided enough was enough.  He was tired.  He stopped eating.  It was time.

It was hard to watch .. and sometimes harder to remember other times.  It was gut-wrenching.  He told me during the early stages that he always thought he would go out like a fire-cracker (both his dad and his brother had died in their 60s from heart attacks).  He never expected this slow painful crawl to death.  We all tried to make his last days as pleasant as possible.  Didn’t want to focus on him dying but on his life.  That’s what he wanted.  I have a couple pictures of him in his last moments but that’s not what I want to share. It’s not what I want to remember.  So I will leave with these final images instead.

Love ya dad.

“When I was a child, all problems had ended with a single word from my father. A smile from him was sunshine, his scowl a bolt of thunder. He was smart, and generous, and honorable without fail. He could exile a trespasser, check my math homework, and fix the leaky bathroom sink, all before dinner. For the longest time, I thought he was invincible. Above the petty problems that plagued normal people. And now he was gone.” – Rachel Vincent

Da Da Daddio

Here you are so long ago.. where’d the time go da da daddio?  What were your dreams, your fears, your hopes? Expectations.. yes’s no’s? So hard to believe .. this was you. Yet, you told me a few dozen years ago that you felt it still was you!! But when you looked in the mirror, you could not believe what you saw.  You asked yourself as you stared intently, “Who the hell is that old man?”  I laughed at that.  Though i completely understood.  Now, a few dozen years later.. I ask myself, where’d the time go da da daddio?

Here you are in the middle flow.. where’d the time go da da daddio? You found your true love.  You stayed steadfast and true.  You worked like a dog and you saw us through.  We were so young you watched us grow and loved ones go and still you rocked and rolled. Through births .. work.. joys.. pains.. pains in the asses.. fast times … slow times… graduations.. separations.. grandkids.. life in the middle.. watch it go.. and go.. and go.  What did we miss?  How could we know?  How fast the time would flow like a raging river.  Like a bird… time, it flies.. away .. sort of flew away.  How COULD we know?  Where’d the time go da da daddio?

Mom and Dad

Here you are not so long ago.. where’d the time go da da daddio? You lost your true love and now are alone.  We wondered how you would fare for yourself.  What would you do?  How could you possibly be just one .. just one.  A solo act?  But you carried on and made new friends.  Took vacations.. traveled.. laughed and lived.  There were definite lows but none too low.  There were definite highs.. but none too high.  Where’d the time go da da daddio?

Hey, hey, hey da da daddio!  Time still passed and life still flowed.  Oh those years.. where did they go? Tell me, tell me da da daddio!! A star rising a sun setting.  Moon dances .. weddings.. women chasing you as the most eligible bachelor in the place. A million hours passed and you enjoyed every single one of them.  More time passed and more time passed and more time passed.  I live so far away but every time I come home .. it’s the same .. but so different .. where’s the time going da da daddio?

you’re almost 80 .. not so old.. i tell myself .. and yet i know.. there comes a time we all must go .. but you’re still here for now and so .. my heart holds tight .. my eyes they flow .. what the hell do doctors know ..

Here we were not so long ago.. where’d the time go da da daddio?

“I smile because you’re my father. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it.” – Unknown