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As much as it changes..

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So it stays the same….

Today’s Daily Prompt was “Everything Changes” intermixed with transformation. It was a perfect theme for me this week.  It couldn’t have been more appropriate.  The past few months have been outrageously busy trying to learn a language, fit in friends and family, a few travels intermixed in it all.  Quite the “Wild” ride which happens to coincide with Ailsa’s theme of the week.  The biggest surprise of all to me is that I’ve actually been mostly keeping up with it.  Tiredly keeping up.. but still keeping up.

The entire month of May was booked.  Friends coming in from all over the place to check out DC while I have been here.  This month has taken me to Washington State for a wedding, Philadelphia and New York will be happening over the next few weeks then in September I will be testing out of language and heading off to Nepal for work.  From there who knows what will happen or where I will go.

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Sometimes I feel that this aspect of my life will NEVER change.  Sometimes this makes me very happy and sometimes it just makes me a little tired.

This past weekend I was able to get 2 days free to fly from DC to Washington State to attend my sister’s wedding, visit with my kids, grandkids and other family members.  Sadly no friend visits happened.  However, what can you do in 4 lowly days?  Trying to fit everything in within a very limited time-frame is a constant in my life. Moving from job to job or country to country requires fitting it all in when where ever you go.  I wonder if I am purposely choosing this or if this lifestyle is simply a part of my subconscious desire to stay unconnected and will I ever allow myself..allow this current fact to change?  Right now I don’t think so.  So for now I like it and for now it stays the same.

So to my wedding trip to Washington.  This visit was long in coming. My daughter’s did not know I would be there because I had told them I could not get ANY time off. Which is typically the case during training so not much of a stretch. However, I did in fact get 2 days off after begging the circumstances.  I was able to keep the secret (mostly) and surprise them (completely) which might have been my favorite part of the trip.  It was a terribly hard secret to keep because they kept on expressing how sad they were that I could not come.  This “not being there” has also been a bit of a constant in my life.  I’m looking forward to a time in the future when the separations will be shorter in duration and possibly no separations at all.

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I am not sure about this but I think I am right.  I know that regarding my own life I am right.  Every family has a history and because the family bond is so different from any other relationship you will ever have, the emotions you experience when you reconnect and once again gather your family around you oftentimes equates to reliving and re-enacting some of the strongest emotions ever.  These emotions might be good, bad or extremely ugly.  Sometimes no matter how much changes.. and EVERYTHING changes.. sometimes it really just stays the same.  No matter how much time passes I feel that every time I am with my family I revert back to my childhood and those tumultuous and strong emotions replay themselves.  Not always with the same person but they are always in the background.  Always the same.  We each seem to take on our childhood roles like a comfortable cloak.  OK.. maybe this is one of the things I should try to change.. at least partly change.

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This isn’t always a bad thing and more often than not it isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes it really is and I feel that it will be something that will always remain the same.  No matter how often I try to change that.. it seems to magically stay the same.

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Patricia, Veronica, Samantha

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Veronica, Patricia, Dad, Sam

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Veronica, Sam

There were other reasons this trip was very important to me.  I hadn’t seen my half-brother or sister in several years and though I wasn’t sure they were coming they did in fact show up.  I was pretty excited about this because I live and work so far away I do not often find the time to meet up with all of them.

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Vinnie (half-sis) Veronica, Hap – (half-bro), Sam

One of my favorite aunt’s also showed up with her husband and my older sister flew in from Ohio. I wish that more could have come to my sister’s wedding, but sometimes you have to take what you can get right?

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Veronica, Linda (aunt) Bruce (uncle)

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Distance is a huge constant in my life.  It is one of the things that for me has really changed.  When I was young we had huge family gatherings at least once a year and usually more often than that.  I miss them and wish we all lived closer or at least had the financial means to travel throughout the year and visit each other more often.

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Mike, Barry, Sam, Patricia (always Pati to us) Veronica (always Roni) and Cheri

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Roni, Sami and the cousins

Ironically, the one person I wanted to re-connect with, the main event per se… I could not even get close to and I mean that on so many levels.  People change as they grow and sometimes change causes riffs and separations.  I accept these consequences of change and embrace most of them even when these changes sometimes bring sadness and confusion.  Being comfortable is nice but sometimes “nice” is not always a good thing.  This to me is a pretty wild thing. I mean, how can you be so close to someone and yet so far away at the same time?

So as some things change other things will stay the same. As transformation occurs other things will change and still more things will stay the same.  Despite all the changes and despite all of the things that have remained the same the event was stellar. Though I didn’t get to see her or talk one on one, the following pictures catch the elusive sister P- and the beautiful wedding.  At least in photo and in writing about it I feel that I have found a way to spend a little special one-on-one time with her. For me enjoying family time will never change… no matter how I accomplish it. Furthermore, I have faith that sometime in the future.. as it has in the past.. a change is gonna come..

I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I enjoyed the event.

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“Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we’re related for better or for worse…and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters

AND that my friend.. will NEVER change..

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Converse Thoughts

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“Write against patterns. Go against the devils. Write what you never write. Lie. Validate what you don’t validate. Indulge what you don’t like. Wallow in it. Write the opposite of what you always write, think, speak. Do everything against the grain!”
― Deena Metzger

Usually my blogs are very photo centric with very limited written input.  Todays prompt by the Daily press was a good one as I haven’t been taking very many photos lately based on language training and other activities that have been keeping me incredibly busy and photogenically uninspired.  I’ve also had a couple of very heavy losses among a few of my friends and so in honor of “opposite” prompt I will today present the opposite of the pictures I usually post.

Converse

dep_2075472-Speedometer---slow-to-insanely-fastFast/Slow

I remember very distinctly a time in my life when I wished time would speed up so I could do all of the things I wanted to do.  Now I am where I wanted to be and find I hardly have time to do the things I need to do.  How fast it goes now.  I have no power to slow it down so I just hang on tight and try to enjoy the ride.

                                                                                                                              Young/Old

imagesI remember going to my grandparents house and relishing in the smells, tastes and stories they would tell.  Never in my life could I have imagined there would be a time when I would have grandchildren of my own.  I never once considered how it would feel to look down at their precious faces and see several histories written there.  I never contemplated the effect it would have on me as I watched the young start their journey in taking my place.                                                                      Crazy / Sane

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What was once rational has now become insane and what I once would have considered beyond belief is now in my realm of doing and is being done by the masses on a regular basis.  What is crazy and who is sane?  We live in a mad, mad world where so many things do not make sense and yet the crazier it gets the more normal it seems. I’m not even sure what would be shocking to me or what could possibly shock an entire generation of young people.

Further, is NOT being shocked at anything good or bad?  I’m torn.

Is to is not as beginning is to end

begin-beginning-till-come-end--large-msg-126738539784How do you feel with where you are and with who and what you are?  Are you nearing the end or simply approaching a new beginning?  How can you possibly tell?  Is it an attitude or an actuality?  Young / old / fast / slow / crazy / sane.  Just words? So many things are simply individual perspectives.  My opinion and reality vs. yours.  Ours vs. theirs.  We tell ourselves the stories that bring comfort and understanding but which are the is’s and which are the is nots?  When are the beginnings and where are the endings?  What are the truths and which are the lies?  Is it possible that even if we knew the is and the is not and the beginning or the end that we would choose differently than we already did?

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