Numinous (adj.) – Origin: English – Definition: Describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted.
I’m not afraid of heights. Yet, every time I rise above the clouds, my stomach turns. I ask myself, “Why am I up here?” Every time I stand at the edge of a drop off, I think, “Good Lord, what am I doing?” I have flung myself from an airplane, jumped off the side of a mountain, jumped off rooftops, and bridges. What was I thinking and why would I do that? What is this fascination? Why does anyone do it?
It’s crazy, but jumping from a plane or from the side of a mountain was way less scary than hanging Christmas lights from my roof, or washing my 2nd story windows. I have heard that it is because you are so high in the sky that you can’t really grasp the full spectrum of where you are or what you are doing. When you are on a ladder, or within view of the ground, you can actually feel how close you are and understand the consequences … or something like that.
I have only done it once, and it’s true, it does not actually feel like falling. I guess that’s because you are traveling at about 120 miles an hour and you can’t actually go any faster and unlike being in a car or a plane, you do not have a chance to see things pass by you but only to feel the wind. I have a video Skydiving in Venezuela and it’s such a rush re-watching it. It was definitely a numinous experience. Something that I would be attracted to do again, and yet wonder… during the entire event… why oh why was I doing this?
“I guess everyone has a bird urge when they look down heights, a desire to jump, without wing or buoyant sail. Fear of heights is fear of a desire to jump.”
“People who are saying that they are afraid of heights are usually not actually afraid of heights. They are afraid of falling, which means it’s a synonym for losing control.
So they have to get in touch with the definitional belief to find out what’s really going on.”
From a past post – another heights fascination. Though I would be less likely to Canyon again. It felt more dangerous than skydiving. Again perspective. The ground was so darn close.
Canyoning in Venezuela – (2 more links you can view) 2nd link , 3rd link – Scared, hot, cold, falling, jumping, sliding, wet. Energy, Exhaustion and Emotion. Rushing water. Drowns thought. High-low-tired-wide awake. Heart racing. No worries only the moment. No thinking only moving. Laughter. Fear. Laughter. Memories.