Abibliophobia


Is this word even real?

Abibliophobia describes my world in 2020 and beyond.  I googled it and it appears to be real.  However, i wonder if it is even a real word.  It seems to have only been around as long as the internet. I have nearly gone through my entire reading pile that I brought with me.  It has been awesome and yet now that the pile has dwindled, i am starting to feel a little abibliophobic.  I have asked friends to send me good books, I have purchased more online, I have raided the bookshelves at work.  Between COVID-19, lack of travel, and just wanting to stay out of the line of fire, my stockpile has just about been eliminated. 

I’m not afraid of many things, but I hate to be left alone or held hostage by certain circumstances with only my thoughts.  Left in a waiting room or stuck on the pot, I read leaflets, cereal boxes, adverts and rot.  

Urban Dictionary – An intense, all-consuming fear of running out of things to read.
I just finished rereading Eclipse for the eighteenth time and Breaking Dawn doesn’t come out for another month and a half… -burncrashdie-

Abibliophobia is quickly becoming an epidemic, but not quickly enough.
 
“ Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity… We cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access reassurance. ”~A.E Newton

Speaking of frightful words, a curious fear I’ve suffered from on occasion, especially on long airplane flights, is abibliophobia, the fear of not having enough to read. 

Another word I didn’t think was real? 

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is one of the longest words in the dictionary — and, in an ironic twist, is the name for a fear of long words. I’m guessing there is really a word for everything.

Wait.. there IS a word for everything: the universe, every little thing, all things. aggregate, totality, barrel, the whole shebang, the whole schmear, everth, all-that, tock and barrel, the kitchen sink, the works, entirety, total, whole, the whole kit and caboodle, the whole shooting match, lock stock and barrel, part and parcel, the whole ball of wax, megillah, etc, etc 

READ – Kristin; society; nightpoetry; dlogger; bex; kitten; maisy; selorm; sian; kjoakes

Aprosexia – Hyperprosexia – Paraprosexia – yup that’s me


Aprosexia, an abnormal inability to pay attention, characterized by near-complete indifference to everything. Opposite is hyperprosexia, meaning to concentrate on one thing to the exclusion of everything else; and, paraprosexia, meaning the inability to pay attention to anyone thing (a state of constant distraction).

When I find myself under duress, I believe that the word aprosexia is exactly what I am.  I can’t focus, I am easily distracted and it’s not because I can’t focus, it is more because I really just don’t care about what you are trying to get me to care about.  I just do not care.  Nothing you can do or say will bring me back from where ever I am.

Ironically, I am also very much almost completely the opposite.  I have been accused of being incredibly hyperprosexia when I am really into something.  I can be so deeply focused on just ONE thing that I get angry when I am in the middle of it and just want to be left alone.  There are special things that have me intensely occupied and when someone attempts to distract me from completing that special project I can quietly lose my mind.  This happens when I am working on an art project, reading a really good book, or just trying to get an important task done.

However, if there was ever a word that described me almost completely, it would likely be paraprosexia.  I am very good at being easily distracted.  I am great at multi-tasking because I operate better when there are a million things going on at the same time.  I tell circular stories.  I can start a joke, get distracted with my thoughts, my words, my ideas and my actions, and eventually get to the punchline.  My mind is often working overtime like these dancers in Nepal.  Crazy colors, sounds, and movement.  It’s my favorite place to be.

savage; boheme; Herry; Jonathan; Divine; hubner; Judy; quest; marie

Querencia


Querencia (adjective) Origin: Spanish | que·ren·cia  A place where one feels safe, A place where one feels at home.

When I was a baby, I was afraid of everything and everyone. It didn’t matter who was around.  It didn’t matter what I was doing.  I was just afraid. Even if I didn’t look like it, I was.  Mom and dad would tell me stories of how I would jump at everything.  I would scream and cry at the introduction of everything new. When I look at my baby picture, I just wonder what the heck was going on in my little pea brain.  I wonder why I was so afraid.

At some point in my life, that all changed and for the most part I have felt safe and at home pretty much where ever I happened to be.  It didn’t matter who was around.  It didn’t matter what I was doing.  When I saw this word, I had to really think about what Querencia currently means to me.  At first I thought to myself, I feel pretty confident where ever I am and in pretty much every situation.  

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.  ~ Maya Angelou

However, when I re-read the actual definition, “A place where one feels safe.  A place where one feels at home.”  I had to seriously ask myself where that place is.  I could not, off the top of my head really say that I felt that there was an actual place where that would be true.  These days, I feel slightly more restless and not very safe.  

I started going through some old photos and it was strange.  Years ago, I would have said that this place existed when I was with my children.  I did my best to make their lives safe and comfortable.  They were babies and I was their mom, their protector.  I’m not sure that would be my answer right now.  Kids grow up, things change. Life happens.  Drama ensues.  I hope one day I can go back to that feeling.  There will always be love, but it hasn’t felt like home for some time.

Even before kids, I would have said it was when I was around my younger sister. We did everything together.  I trusted her to be my solid.  My one bestie that I could always depend on.  I think that has also changed. Life happens.  Emotions held back, words left unsaid hanging in the air. Doubts and fears and who knows what.  But it changes.  I hope that one day I can go back to that feeling.  There will always be love, but it also has not felt like home for some time.

I have some special friends that always make me feel safe and comfortable.  But at home?  We are always so busy that we can’t always make the time.  I always feel good when I am around them but the times around them are so short and so far apart that the home piece is missing.  It’s because I live so far away.  The relationship building is hard to do so far away.  I have some friends that I connect with frequently and when we come together, no matter how long we have been apart, it feels like home and it feels safe.  It’s just the darn suitcases that remind me that I’m not really home.

But then, I came across some pictures of my older sister.  Even though we didn’t hang out much when we were little and we fought like cats and dogs as we grew, she was always my protector when I really needed her.  She has been consistent and the same our entire lives.  She has opened her house to me and visited me when I was down, picked me up from teen heartbreak, joined the Navy like I had, raised kids like I had, and so many other things.  She’s the one to placate a situation. She’s the peacemaker.  She will make me laugh when I go over the ledge rather than help me jump.  I don’t like getting all stressed and down and she doesn’t let me feel sorry for myself but she does it in a way that is kind.  She never tries to over-analyze every situation I need to talk about.  She lets me flow and grow and feel safe.  She’s much better at it than I am.  I feel safe, unjudged, and familiar when I am around her.  I love her for this. I feel safe around her for this.  I feel at home around her for this.  Thanks sis.

    Querencia:  Rhapsody; keshy; hope; Varsha; Rebecca; 1227; sanguine; jessica; heartmind; Dylan; Pennie

 

 

 

Schwellenangst


Schwellenangst (noun) Origin: German | shwel·en·ahngst  Fear of crossing a threshold to embark on something new

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Schwellenangst has always been an anomaly to me.  I have spent my life living in a mostly fearless way.  I have embraced the new and have actively sought it out.  Sameness bores me.  I have lived a life that has required me to be quick at making decisions that have hurled me into the new.  Spontaneity has described the essence of me and is what and who I have been.

I think that this is why the last year has been so hard on me.  As much as not being able to be spontaneous and come and go as I please, there has been some comfort in being isolated, locked inside, living silently in my safe cocoon solitude with no interference.  It has even been refreshing to be slightly bored.

Though I am looking forward to some upcoming changes that might bring me back to my normal.  In the same manner, for the first time in my life I am feeling a surge of schwellenangst at all of the newness that is bound to emerge as I enter this new normal.

“Fear and anxiety many times indicates that we are moving in a positive direction, out of the safe confines of our comfort zone, and in the direction of our true purpose.”
― Charles F. Glassman

“We do not fear the unknown. We fear what we think we know about the unknown.” – Teal Swan

Schwellenangst in others: Lauren; Moments; Thoughtsthatpersist; kaushal; Christine; Joseph; Thelen; Binnzy; Orlando; Perditus; Eddie; Alexander; Elaine; John

Dépaysement


Dépaysement (n.) – Origin: French – Definition: The disorientation felt in a foreign country or culture. The feeling of being a fish out of water.

O.K. Obviously feeling like a fish out of water in a foreign country is not really an issue for me.  Quite the opposite.  I have loved every country I have traveled to.  Even the ones I didn’t LOOOVVEEE.. I also didn’t really hate.  I especially loved traveling with my daughters.  They also always seemed to adapt very well to the random places we visited. Like we really made every country feel like it was our home and we fit in to each place so nicely.  For example, my daughter just joined in the family photo of this family in Shanghai, China.  Even throwing them rabbit ears.

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There were things in some countries that made us uncomfortable at times.  Like the domestic pet section of the zoo in Shanghai.  It was funny to us, but also, uhm, interesting.

However, for me all of the experiences were about learning lessons of tolerance and acceptance and just being able to have fun.  I know at times, my kids were homesick and wanted the “normalcy” of “home” but in retrospect we all talk about how they were amazing times and none of us would ever change any of them and all of us would go back to any one of those days to relive them and stay longer and appreciate more!! I hope you enjoy.

Well, I guess we were like fishes out of water for at least a little bit of our time there.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Anthony Bourdain

Ivor; Lia; Tim; Nuno; purpose; Bernard; Ria; Roisie; Stephanie; Anna; Outlandish